Action
Even though this starts with A, this isn’t the second installment for PBP. :) That will be up within the next couple of days.
I’ve been thinking lately about my actions, and my feelings behind them. In the past, I’ve let my feelings or pre-conceptions get in the way of my actions. I realized long ago that my head is very not-open, and even longer accepting the fact that I’m hard-headed (literally). So when I try to do ritual, and don’t really feel anything… it’s very discouraging. Every emotion I’ve pushed back in trying to do something new comes flooding back, and often I give up on doing new things entirely. I’m a perfectionist with a bad emotional history. This makes for a more than complicated relationship with doing things.
After reading posts like Dver’s On Festivals and They can hear you, Sarah Lawless’ They’re Watching You, and P. Sufenas Viris Lupus’ Going Through the Motions, which kind of inspired my thoughts on the subject. I thought about how I’d avoid doing religious actions because I felt “nothing”. I’d see no direct consequence of my actions (and often beforehand would build up fantastical ideas of what could happen), and thus become discouraged. This would lead to various crisises of faith, yada yada…
So, I’m going to try to do this radical new idea of doing something, even if I don’t “feel” anything. Maybe by getting into the practice of doing some sort of daily ritual, I can try and break a barrier or two in my head. I think my issue has always been what to do, though, and why. If I do a ritual for a god or spirit, why am I doing it? What am I looking to get out of a relationship with Them? Will I hit a point where I can’t turn back?
On the same train of thought, I think about when I was called/nudged/told that the path I could walk was to be a priestess for my gods. I wonder if that path is still valid, or if my life has changed so much it’s no longer considered an option? But what does it mean to be a priestess? Am I meant to do action without necessarily belief? These are questions that go through my head daily, and have done so off and on for a very long time. At some point I just have to jump in and do something. (Did I mention Taurus-folk really like looking before they leap?)
Greetings. I totally relate to what you’re saying here…and that’s all I’m going to see cause I can’t articulate worth a damn today (been trying to write my comment for like 20+ minutes!). In any case, you’re not alone. Blessings.
Hello, and thanks for this! :)
But think about it… even if you didn’t have the words, you tried anyways, right? It’s like a microcosm. :)
Just remember, even those of us who are open-headed still have plenty of times when we’re not connected, or just not “feeling it.” But the worst thing you can do in that situation is to stop the practices, because that just reinforces the negative feelings. “Fake it till you make it” does actually work pretty well in these situations most of the time. Your brain sees that you are acting like a priestess, and assumes that therefore you *are* a priestess. You feel better, and then you want to do even more. Positive feedback loop, instead of a negative one. (http://forestdoor.wordpress.com/2011/10/05/we-are-what-we-pretend-to-be/)
Besides which, ritual isn’t always for us, and so on that level it doesn’t really matter if we’re feeling it.
So good for you for just doing something – it’s the best cure for all of this!
These are words I definitely need to keep in mind. I think my biggest obstacle is that I’m very much a feedback-oriented person. I’m not expecting to have life-altering revelations, but I keep expecting.. just a tiny something, you know? But then again, like you said above people just don’t feel it sometimes.
“Your brain sees that you are acting like a priestess, and assumes that therefore you *are* a priestess. You feel better, and then you want to do even more. Positive feedback loop, instead of a negative one.”
*nods* That definitely makes sense.
I’ll have to really keep this all in mind more. Thanks for this! :)