winter wandering poems 2

The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.

….
– “Dust of Snow” by Robert Frost

Tearing down the walls

Sekhmetkare, from my cross-post on Livejournal, posted this:

With regard to your altar, if nothing you do with it feels “right” but you can’t decide what needs changing, try taking it completely down and leaving it that way for a few days. Then start gradually putting back only things that DO feel right. You may find that it needs a complete overhaul, because you have changed since you put that one up, and it may not be YOU anymore, and that may be why you don’t feel like doing your practices anymore, either.

Honestly, I think this is the right thing to do at this point. I’ve hit stagnation, and the only thing to counter that is change (and to relate to some gods, this is the reason for Set’s and Dionysos’s role in their respective cultures: to cause change in things, whether wanted or not, because stagnation leads to putrification). Change needs to happen. I’ve gotten this lesson before (if you see this post I made in April), but it seems I really never follow though. That needs to change as well. ;)

Tonight I will take down my bare shrine to Dionysos and any other semi-shrines, cover up my items that I use for spiritual work, and let it stay bare for a couple of days (or until the need strikes me to put them up again). Maybe an apt day would be to put them up on Yule, considering its the darkest time of the year and all. And maybe by then I will have figured out where I need to go with this.

I also think that tonight I’ll do some divination, to see where I’m going in all of this. I may ask those I know who do divination/oracle work, but right now I think I should do this by myself. Maybe its trust in myself that I lack here.

Other things that will be changing will be this blog. Don’t worry, I’m not going to lock anything or disappear. I think it needs a re-vamp as well. This is my primary outlet for my spiritual musings, sans the pagan forums I frequent. So don’t be alarmed if things change!

I also know that some blogs are changing styles and names right now, but I don’t think the name for this one will change. So you guys don’t have to worry about changing your blog rolls (if I’m on them). :)

Here’s hoping things work out!

Thoughts, Practice and Resistance

I’ve been thinking lately, sparked by a comment made by Sannion in one of my posts, about why I am so resistant to regular practice. I mean, I get envious in the way of “I want to do that too!” when other polytheists speak about their altars and doing daily practice. I start thinking up ideas in my head of what I can do. And yet when I look at my own little measly altar that hasn’t been touched in over two months.. I feel dread. When I kneel before it, I feel nothing. It’s actually really depressing.

I haven’t talked about it openly because well.. I feel like a hypocrite. I talk on public forums about myself, my practice, and what I think.. yet I’m not really doing anything. Why is it I feel this way? Why do I feel such resistance to actually getting down and doing the work? Whats wrong with me?

Because of my resistance I haven’t moved in my spiritual practice (or gone anywhere at all ready) in years. Even sitting down to try meditation makes me want to break out into a sweat. Am I one of those people who needs the entheogens to crack open? Yet I don’t want to do that either. But at least I know the cause of that resistance: other people’s opinions.

There is a strong vein of resistance to entheogens to induce mind-altering states in paganism (or at least polytheism, from what I’ve encountered). Only the brave I think stand up and say “it’s just as valid”. And I agree with them. When people talking of doing shamanism, and then decry the use of entheogens.. what do they think their forefathers of shamanism did? Entheogens are but one tool in their skill set.

The other part of it is offline, from my friends. To make a long story short, a friend of mine became heavily addicted to drugs when he was very young, at 14-15. One by one, the rest of us have delved into that world, but thankfully pulled out. I am the “last one” to do it. And really I think its created an image around myself (because I used to be very anti-drug), and that I feel I will be “less” if I choose to partake. So if I do, I feel I will have to be very secretive of what I do.

And maybe that ties in with the first part. I mean I think there are a lot of people out there in paganism who do use entheogens properly.. yet don’t tell anyone because there is such a negative stereotype surrounding it.

At the very least maybe I can over-come this boundary. We’ll see.

(This post is open to discussion. Seriously, if you have any words of wisdom you can part here, please do.)

winter wandering poems 1

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there’s some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

….

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost

“The most wonderful time of the year”

I love Yuletide. I don’t really know why, exactly.  I suppose its just the festiveness in the air. So many cultures celebrate something around this time, not necessarily on the 25th. It’s not that surprising either, considering its on or around the Winter Solstice, when the night is longer than the day, but at least the sun triumphs and finally we start gaining more daylight time.

I think maybe its just the entirety of the holidays. It’s the hanging up of satin red bows, evergreen boughs and pine cone smell in the air; its all of the snow on the ground that, when the moon is full, makes everything light up in reflection. It’s the bite of the wind on my face but being wrapped up in a heavy jacket with a scarf and mittens; its enjoying all of the warm and spiced foods and drinks; its getting gifts for the people you love because you want to show them you care; its setting up the Christmas tree and getting anxious as the presents build more and more under the tree.

It’s the rhythm of the earth moving, when the procession of Dionysos in Delphi is building to it’s peak, nymphs moving like whirling dervishes and his human followers lost in the madness. The Pythia is gone, or is she? But Dionysos is bound, in part, to the Oracle now, where they say his tomb lies beneath. The dead begin to rise, called by this Piper of Dreams and Ecstasy. The snow falls harder and harder, blanketing us as we revel indoors. The days grow darker and darker, and the parties grow wilder.

I don’t seek to banish the darkness away, to call for a new spring. I know it is inevitable, and that is not to say I do not give the Sun His dues. But for now I seek to revel in the darkness, in the madness. It calls to me like song I can’t ignore, and I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

All that is gold does not glitter

I can’t be the only one who doesn’t think that Tolkein’s poem wouldn’t fit Yuletide celebrations? I think it fits the Holly/Oak King battle quite nicely, actually.

….
….
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

- J. R. R. Tolkein

Ariadneia, the Finding

Ah, love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you

Because the sky is blue
It makes me cry
Because the sky is blue

Today, as well as being Rosh HaShana (Jewish), the Noumenia (Hellenistic), and Talk Like A Pirate Day (..?!?), it is also the first day of a three-day festival known as the Ariadneia, which recalls and commemorates the myth of Ariadne’s finding, union, death and final joining with Dionysos. It was created in 2004 by the group Thiasos Lusios. I’m not sure how many still celebrate it now, but I think its still worth celebrating.

Dionysos and Gender fluidity

The following was originally a post to the Hellenistai forum, entitled “The Gods and Gender?”. However by the time I finished the post, I realized that it really didn’t answer the question at all. For all that I talk about Dionysos, I really haven’t had a more.. personal relationship with him, I think, to answer that question. But since I spent a lot of time on it, I decided to re-post it here!

Jim Morrison’s poetry and Dionysos

Last weekend we had a bonfire in my back yard with my mom, dad, and my uncle M, aunt J, and my aunt C. And my mom had brought out her 60’s and 70’s rock collection (she has a bunch of these cds that every decade has at least 10 discs; she doesn’t have them all, but she has a lot!) and The Doors were playing and they were talking about Jim Morrison, and I mentioned he had written a book of poetry (and also casually mentioned just to J that in a lot of his work he compared himself to Dionysos) that I also wanted to read. My aunt J piped up that her daughter’s boyfriend had actually bought a “package” from Chapters that contained this said book of poetry and said I could borrow it.

How could I -not- leap at that chance? I’ve read it a lot on my Dionysos groups that Jim Morrison has been an inspiration for many in their Dionysian paths, some considering him to be a “helmsman” or nigh an avatar for Dionysos at times. I mean hell, the man from what I read considered it too! Although I’ve honestly had little interest in The Doors or Morrison before I chose to follow Dionysos, I think its a path worth exploring. As per Anafiel Delauney in Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel series said, “All knowledge is worth having”. And these tales of connection with this man are not baseless or willy-nilly, there has been some serious connection. So I think its worth checking out.

I’ll just have to remember to phone and ask if I can come pick it up to check it out, since I’m trying to delve back into my spirituality and figure this is as good a place as any!

Selene and Dionysos

I have found quite a few things exciting about Lady Selene (seriously, can we praise Theoi.com enough?), after getting the nudge from her (or Someone Else) to look more into her myths. And man did I find a lot!